I don’t know how you can top last year’s punk extravaganza and Kim Kardashian’s sofa dress at the Met Ball. Or maybe you can with the randomest of themes – an exhibition dedicated to couturier Charles James. That’s old school romantic glamour to you guys that didn’t know what that is until 2 seconds ago. I’m pretty sure most celebs didn’t Google the theme before getting dressed and just accepted every (free) gown in sight. I’m looking at you Rihanna. Without further ado, join me as I guide you through the best and best LOLS of the 2014 Met Gala.
Best New Yorker: Sarah Jessica Parker. In Oscar de la Renta. That little sign on the train also wins her the ‘Most Corniest’ award. Yes that’s two superlatives.
Best Olsen: I can’t decide. They’re both from another planet called Fashion. Both wearing vintage. Both absolutely perfect.
Best Marchesa ballgown: Karolina Kurkova. Va-va-voom! I hope she doesn’t have to pee at any point during the night.
Most likely to love sunflower oil: Katie Holmes. LOL. Sorry I couldn’t stop myself from writing that.
Best white: Rihanna. In Stella McCartney. This woman can do no wrong. Even if she has no idea who Charles James is.
Most likely to have a nipple slip by the end of the night: Rihanna again. Just look at them go beneath that cropped-crop top.
Best Chanel: Kristen Stewart. Oh look who we have here? Looking much better than usual. The only thing that could make this better is a half smile. Please Kristen…
Best floral: Anna Wintour. I love it when Anna goes into happy territory. Happy Anna is the best Anna right?
Best couple: Beyonce and Jay Z. Cos it’s Beyonce and Jay Z. That’s all.
Best comeback: Kim Kardashian. She wore a sofa to last year’s Met Ball people. Anything is a comeback after that thing.
Best cape: Florence Welch. Nothing says I’m a hippie songstress like a floral/butterfly (???) cape.
Most likely to be in the San Ġorġ choir: Janelle Monáe. Is that thing hiding leggings as pants underneath?
Best Dolce & Gabbana: Giovanna Battaglia. Si si mi piace. Ciao amore!
Most likely to catch a flight to Sicily and have pizza and ravioli: Kate Upton. Then she’ll stay in the same gown and attend the funeral of her hips.
Best purtiera from B4 Textiles: Maggie Gyllenhaal. The guys at Valentino are ecstatic the curtains they got from the B4 Textiles sale section ended up at on the Met red carpet! Bravo guys!
And finally… Most likely to actually be Princess Tiana at a flamenco class dressed like a palm tree: Lupita Nyong’o. Also the only one in this category.
What are your thoughts? What did you and I wear? Ha! In our dreams.