This is in no way a plea to find a date before Malta Fashion Week. Or maybe it is? Whatever tickles your fancy. No really actually it’s quite the opposite. I’m pretty sure my chances of finding a boyfriend will be slimmer than SpongeBob’s legs after this. Thing is I’ve read a dozen articles about ‘the perks of dating a fashion person’ and ‘reasons to be with a fashion girl’ over the past few months. Ya know… You’ll never look bad with a fashion girl on your side… She’ll tell you where all the super discounts are… Cool parties, free Prosecco, yada yada yada. It got me thinking… NO ONE ever writes about the other side of the story. So here I am writing, gun in hand ready to shoot myself in the foot: My top reasons NOT to date a fashion person.
1. We’re always late. ‘Fashionably late’ is a thing for a reason. Oh your outfit that took an understandable 2 hours is ready to go? NOPE. Forgot the River Island sunglasses. And we missed Happy Hour. AGAIN.
2. We can and WILL steal your clothes. You’ve been wondering where all your blazers, jackets, sunglasses and bracelets are vanishing to? Well surprise surprise! It’s none other than your fashion significant other. “But it looks better on me!” or “Just for one photo…” are the most common excuses.
3. The trend followers. You get to cross Valletta or Sliema with us wearing baggy boyfriend jeans. Or a full on printed peplum in the morning. Time to invest in a good pair of black tinted sunglasses dear significant other.
4. The weird drink orders. Can I please have an iced grande sugar-free vanilla latte with soy milk please? Or a tall non-fat latte with caramel AND chocolate drizzle? The drizzle is everything and super important.
5. Meeting the parents dressed like you’re going to a gala event in Paris. Get them a bottle of wine. God knows they’re going to need it when your little fashionista starts babbling on about how great the new Louis Vuitton is and how they’ll take your mother to Zara for a ‘makeover’.
6. Injuries via accessories. Be careful before you go in for a hug or kiss. The necklace that resembles heavy weaponry might poke (stab) you. Moreso, don’t get in a fight with us when we’re wearing such sartorial pieces – they will be used as torture devices.
7. Sunglasses when there’s no sun in sight, it’s grey and probably raining too. We’ll probably tell you it’s part of the outfit. Heard that one before? But it totally is. Expect people on the street to give you weird looks.
8. Wardrobe space. 80% for us… 20% for you. Non-negotiable. You knew what you were getting into. And if not… Sucks for you honey? Go buy another wardrobe.
9. Presents. Figuring out what a fashion person wants is like figuring out what any significant other wants times 1,000,000. We either have the Michael Kors watch already or it’s so absurdly priced that it makes you wonder why you’re in a relationship with us in the first place.
10. And my favourite. Any and I mean ANY given moment can turn into an Instagram photoshoot. Yes I want a picture of me holding the food in front of my mouth. No no a full shot but not too close! What is Valencia??? Are you kidding me that’s grounds for a break up. Oh and there’s no pay. You’re doing it for free cos you reaaaaally looooove us.
And there ya have it people. My top reasons not to date a fashion person. Joking aside, fashion people are normal people regardless of the frivolous industry – and just as educated, hard-working, intelligent and cultured as everyone else. We’re just more colourful. Got any other pros and cons? Let’s talk!